you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
