Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
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