Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
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