we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
