Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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