I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
