oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
