: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
