dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize