So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
