it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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