Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
