you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
