I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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