Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Randomize
