I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
