I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
