No stitches, just platelets and will power
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
