i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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