He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
