i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
