I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
