i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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