I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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