I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
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