I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
