you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
