wakey wakey hands off snakey
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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