He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
