Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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