ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
