why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
