oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
