So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
