I'm gonna have a badass scar
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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