woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize
