Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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