Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Randomize
