rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Randomize
