I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
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