well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
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