Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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