I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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