fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Randomize
