You can't motorboat a personality
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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