so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
