I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
