I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Randomize
