i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
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