in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
