My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Randomize
