First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
