I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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