textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
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