sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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