everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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