the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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