There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
