I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Randomize