"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
