The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
