i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
