help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
