I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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