I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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